Slayers is property of H. Kanzaka, R. Araizumi, Kadokawa, TV Tokyo, SOFTX, and all other associate companies. MST3K belongs to Best Brains Inc. Any random mention of songs, quotes, etc. are property of the money making machines that put them out. You probably shouldn’t sue me because all you’d be getting is one Rayearth manga, a Slayers Try video and some anime cards.

This story does not belong to me, it is the property of the author. I don’t intend to insult or cut down the author (even though it might seem like I am.) If any of you readers know this person and know that he/she wants it taken down, feel free to e-mail me so I can take it down. I apologize in advance if this offends anyone. (wouldn’t I make a great corporate lawyer?)

So basically, I don’t own squat, I’m a poor Chinese high school student, I’m sorry for offending anyone (even though you should get your ass outta here if you don’t like this kinda stuff), and I did this out of sheer boredom instead of doing a project assigned to us for the summer.

Warning: I’ve not seen a single episode of MST3K. So beware of inconsistencies galore! Okay, on with the MST!

Grace and Lori were sitting in a theater. Surprising, no? But they were there of their own free will. Shocking, I know. They were watching the new X-MEN© movie. Well…Grace was….Lori was taking a slight ‘respite’.

“Wow, this movie is great, Lori!” whispered Grace enthusiastically. When she didn’t get an answer, she looked at her companion. “Lori!” Grace hissed and poked her sleeping friend.

“Mom…I don’t wanna go to school…” Lori muttered and then turned away from Grace.

A thundercloud formed above Grace’s head and she ‘accidentally’ poured her water on Lori’s arm.

As expected, the girl named Lori was awakened by the pleasant surprise.

“AAAAAUUGHHH! THAT WAS COLD GRACE!!!” yelled Lori. Normally, our dear MSTer Lori, would have been met by various shushes and less polite comments. But, things with Lori and Grace lately have been far from normal.

“ Haha, nice pun Lori…” Grace said. “When I asked you to come to the movie I assumed you’d watch it.”

“Well, see that’s the thing. Once I saw Godzilla with my family, and then I saw it for my friend’s B-day party…and…well, I kinda fell asleep the second time around. Isn’t that funny? Eheheh…” Lori laughed nervously.

“Grrr….”

Hoping to take the attention off of herself, Lori pointed out, “Hmm, there’re no people. Did my scream scare them all off?”

“Oh great…” muttered Grace, “Twice in one day…can this get any worse?”

“YES IT CAN MINION. SO HOW WAS YOUR NAP, LORI? I’M GLAD YOU TWO ARE RESTED…RESTED SO YOU CAN MST A FIC! BWA HA HA HA!”

“Was that supposed to be funny?” Grace snapped, annoyed that her movie was interrupted. “Aren’t you supposed to be at an AMLOD meeting or something?”

“BWA HA HA, TRICKED YOU! THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE ALL MIGHTY LORD OF DARKENESS. HENCE THE ALL MIGHTY PART. IF THERE WERE MORE THAN ONE BOB, I WOULDN’T BE ALL MIGHTY, NOW WOULD I? YOU PUNY MINIONS ARE EASILY TRICKED.”

“He does have a point there Grace…” said Lori, “Ahaha…but since you’re in a bad mood why don’t I shut up?” Lori said, shying away from Grace’s menacingly raised index finger. Then, turning to the big screen, Lori asked the booming voice, “Um, Bob, the one and only TAMLOD, could you show yourself on the screen for a second? I have something to ask you.” “I never thought I’d ask Bob to show his face…” Lori whispered to herself.

“WHY OF COURSE! I KNOW YOU’VE MISSED BY BEAUTIFUL PRECIOUS FACE. ITS ELEGANCE, ITS DELICATE STRUCTURE, ITS…”

“Wow, I’m surprised Lori, you’re actually going to ask him yourself instead of asking me to do it!” Grace said.

“Yeah, well, your finger is kinda scary when it’s so close to my eye like that…” Lori said while sweatdropping.

“…WONDERFUL MAGNIFICANCE , ITS-“

“Um, could I ask my question now?” said Lori, nervously.

“YOU INTERRUPTED MY DESCRIPTION OF MY FACE…”

“Yeah, um, sorry, anyway, I wanted to ask you about these postcards…”

“WHAT IS WITH YOU MINIONS AND YOUR POSTCARDS. I SENT THEM OUT AS A COVER SO NO ONE WOULD SUSPECT THAT I’M BOB, TAMLOD. THEY ALL THINK I’M IN DEER VALLEY UTAH! THOSE FOOLS!”

“Yeah, too bad for them, but what I want to know, is why you never told us that we were…and I quote…’wonderful individuals and great students’ and that ‘it was a pleasure to teach us this year’? I mean, don’t you think that we students would be more interested in what you have to think about us rather than our parents?”

“HMM… I JUST DIDN’T FEEL LIKE IT. NOW IF YOU’RE QUITE THROUGH WITH YOUR PIDDLING QUESTIONS…HERE’S YOUR FIC!”

Both: We have fanfiction sign!

DOORS

Door 1: It is a brick wall. You really don’t feel like huffing and puffing like an idiot, so you move on.

Door 2: It is a solid wall of steamed rice. You grab a bowl and a pair of chopsticks and dive right in. You stop when you realize that it’s a frickin’ wall of rice, you don’t really don’t know where the rice has been, so you move on.

Door 3: It looks like a closet. You see a handle at the top and you pull on it. It turns out to be one of those beds that you can hide in the wall. Unfortunately, you’ve come along at a bad time and you see two people making out. Upon closer inspection, you find out those two people are Grace and Ryo. You first turn green, then you drag Grace out of the bed and continue on.

Door 4: It is a regular door. You open it to enter but are stopped by two totally hot anime guys. You drool for a while and get their numbers but Grace pulls you away from them. You note that she must be bitter about the Ryo incident.

Door 5: It is a liquid wall of coffee. You don’t feel like getting scalded and sticky so you move on.

Door 6: It is a wall of fans. You squeal in delight and stand in front of it. But after a while you realize you can’t enter the door and you move on.

Door 7: It is one of those banner things that football players love to run through. You back up and run towards it. Banner:1. You:0. You then take out the matches you stole from D&B’s. Banner:1 You:100. You walk through the doorway.

Lori: I can’t believe we have to sit through this crap again.™

Grace: I still haven’t found a coined phrase yet.

Lori: It’ll come to you, don’t worry.

Grace: Wait, Bob didn’t tell us what fic we’re doing.

Lori: Well, surprise is the spice of life! ::smiles::

Grace: ::gives Lori the Glare of Death©::

Here is part 5.

Grace: When will the hurting stop?

Lori: When will brothers cease to be a pain? When will the world end?

Grace: When they go to college and according to the Mayans, 2012.

Lori: They’re called rhetorical for a reason ya know. You just ruined my philosophical moment.

One thing aboute it...

Lori: …it sucks so I’m ending it. <<THE END>>

Grace: ::pats Lori on the back:: I feel your pain.

The name of the
temple it is a little obios

Grace: The name of the temple is ‘A Little Obios’ sounds like some archaic deity or something…

Lori: Grace, it’s summer, mind dumbing down your vocab?

but I got out of ides.

Lori: Good for you, now you can help us get out of this fic!

Well Enjoy as mutsh as you can.

Grace: Would if we could but we can’t so we won’t.

/Akikka
______________________________________________________________________

Lori: Grace! Watch where you’re swinging that katana!

Grace: What a long, straight line…

Part 5

Grace: …hundred! The next episode in the Star Wars© collection!

"I hope she is in this town. Why did I run of like that?" Zel
thought.

Lori: Yeah Zel, how insensitive ‘off’ you!

Grace: ::singing:: Maybe you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive….

- Let's spread out and look for her. Lina said and the others
nodded.

Grace: What did Lina say?

Lori: I don’t know, the quotation marks seem to be missing…

- I'll go and check the inns. Gourry you can go whit me. Zel were
will you go?
- I'll go and check the library.
- What about you Xellos?
- I don't know? Maybe float around a little. He said and smirked.

Lori: …because Lina has obviously forgotten that Xellos is mighty and powerful and he probably knows where Amelia…or rather Kim is. And since he’s being so cooperative lately, which he usually ~isn’t~ he could probably spill the beans on the whereabouts of a certain body-stealing Swedish girl. ::grinds her teeth::

Grace: Well, since you’re too busy grinding, I’ll say it for you… Consistency people!

They parted and went to the places they had decided to. Lina and
Gourry went to the nearest inn to check. They asked around but
didn't
find anything special. At the last inn they found out that a girl
came in early that morning and asked to be waked after lunch.

Grace: Oh my god! They killed Amelia! Or is it Kim? I’m confused!

Lori: <as a guy that sells coffins> So, the wake will be after lunch? Will this be an open viewing?

- Did she say were she was heading?
- No but she started talking a strange language when she ordered the
room. I didn't understand a word until she started speaking
English.

Lori: ::turns red and then a pretty shade of purple:: *--_--*

Grace: Um…uh…Lori! Amelia…probably forgot that everyone speaks English in the Slayers world… and so she reverted back to Swedish mode! Or… or she could have been traumatized by Xellos’ kiss… Don’t you think it’d be a good idea to breath…now and then…

Lori: ::through gritted teeth:: It’s not working Grace….

- That's her. We haw to go. She turned to face Gourry.

Lori: <as Lina> Gourry! I think that Amelia’s strange language is rubbing off on us! I don’t remember ‘haw’ being an English word!

Grace: <as Gourry> You’re right! But it could be a slang that only Swedish people know about!

- Gourry we haw to find Zel and tell him what we found out.

Meanwhile at the library Zel was talking to the librarian.
- Haw you seen a girl here ho

Grace: <as librarian> Well I never! ::slaps Zel:: How dare you young man!

Lori: <as Zel> Yo, what’s yo problem b$*%h?! I was jus axin’ if you seen a supa fly honey up in here, ho.

Grace: Johnston schooling?

Lori: Whatever gave you that idea Grace?

was looking fore something special like
a cure fore something?
- Yes there was a girl here ho

Grace: <as librarian> …if you wanna play me like dat. You got ta show meh da do’.

Lori: ::sits there shocked::

Grace: ::blushes:: What? I watch TV.

asked fore

Lori: Fore!

Grace: Hey! Put that club away! Where do you keep that thing anyway?

Lori: ::looking innocent:: I found it here. ::randomly points to a vague spot::

Grace: It’s a movie theater!

Lori: 0=)

some books about Spirit
separation. Very nice girl but she did talk to her self in a very
strange language.

Grace: Lori, don’t you think that it’s strange how they strangely keep mentioning the strangeness of the strange language that the strange Amelia keeps strangely speaking?

Lori: Why Grace. That’s strange. I was just thinking the same thing!

- That's her. Can you show me the books she read?
- Of course, this way.
She showed him to the place Kim had been just half an hour ago.
- This is the book she found most interesting. She gave Zel the book.
- Thank you.

Lori: ::shocked:: Grace… Give the author a prize! That convo had no mistakes! There may be hope for this author and our sanities yet!

Grace: Noted.

- I'll be at the desk if you got any questions.
- Ok.
Zel sat at a table and started reading. When he had finished half the
book Lina and Gourry came through the door and walked over to him and
sat down.
- Did you find anything?
- Yes. She slept at an inn not far from here and left at lunchtime.

Grace: Well, looks like she skipped out of town before her wake.

Lori: If only we could skip town…or the universe…

What about you?
- She came here and looked fore

Lori: Fore! Hey look Grace! I didn’t lose it in the water!

Grace: ::grabs Lori’s putt-putt club and breaks it over her knee::

Lori: ::shies away from Grace while muttering:: You’re paying for that, not me…

something in this book.
- And?
- I think she is going to try to separate herself from Amelia's
body.
- SHE IS GOING TO TRY TO DO WHAT!

Both: SHE’S GOING TO TRY TO SEPARATE HERSELF FROM AMELIA’S BODY!

All the people in the library
stared at Lina and the librarian hushed at her.
- Sorry.

Grace: …for this horrible fic. <<THE END>>

Lori: Cheer up Grace! Author-san is…improving….

Grace: ::sarcastically:: Yeah, now she’s up to less than barely tolerated…

Lina said and sat down again.
- She is going to try to separate herself from Amelia's body.

Lori: Yes, we’ve discussed that.

And
it
isn't safe from what I haw

Grace: Okay, I looked in the dictionary. There is no such word as ‘haw’.

Lori: No dictionary.com?

Grace: ::shakes her head:: Brother’s hogging the comp…

read.
- What is she going to do then?
- She is going to a place called The Sole Temple.

Grace: I thought the temple’s name was ‘A Little Obios’.

Lori: The Sole Temple! Where we manufacture soles of all sorts! Missing a Nike™ sole? Adidas™? Too expensive to buy a new shoe? Come in today and get your sole repaired for free! We are a temple and are a not for profit organization! Visit us on the web at www.welcometothesoletemple.org!

- And where is that temple then?
- Its 10 days walk from here. But there are some things she need so
that she can go throe whit

Lori: …the Astros as Jose Lima’s replacement in the new season!

Grace: No Whitman alert?

Lori: ::shakes her head:: Bro’s hogging the ‘net.

the separation.
- And what are these things?
- The first thing is water from the holy spring,

Grace: Does that make it holy water?

Lori: Nah…

the second thing is
a drop of pure Mazuko blood and the last thing is a scale from a
golden dragon.
- That means that we haw to split up and one haw to go to that spring
and one haw to go and keep an eye on Filia. And one has to keep an
eye on Xellos.

- Well I'm going to that spring because she probably going there
first.

Lori: Not for the holy water of course.

- Ok Zel. Gourry you can go and keep an eye on Filia ok?

Grace: You mean to tell me that Lina Inverse is entrusting a major part of the plot to Gourry, aka Jellyfish for brains? He’s too stupid, right?

- Ok. Um...ho are we looking fore again?

Lori: Yatta! Consistency! Finally!

Grace: Noted.

- GOURRY we are looking fore

Lori: FORE! Wah! I lost the ball in the bushes!

Grace: How could you lose the ball in the bushes?! We’re in a theater for Bob’s sake!

Lori: ::shrugs and innocently points to the bushes in the corner of the theater::

Amelia. No I men we are looking fore Kim.
- Ok. Ho is she?
- Don't bother, we are just looking for her.
- Ok and what was I suppose to do?
- AAAAAA...GOURRY YOU ARE GOING TO FILIA'S PLACE! Ones again

Grace: …Dang! I suck at craps!

every
one in the library stared at Lina.

Lori: Wait! I can’t tell when the speaking and narration stop and start!

Grace: You and me both.

- Excuse me miss. I haw to ask you to leave now. The librarian said
whit an irritated voice.
- We were just about to leave. Zel said when he rose from the table.
- Ok, did you find what you were looking fore?

Grace: Please don’t say “FORE!” again.

Lori: Okay. ::starts to sing:: And I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…

Grace: I don’t know which one’s worse…

Lori: ::Glare of Death©::

Grace: Ehehe! Your singing is great Lori! About as good as your driving….

- Yes I did, tank your help one more time.
- You're welcome.

The three slayers left the library and went there

Lori: No! Not there! A little down… now to the right…now up again…

Grace: …and a little to the left. There!

separate ways.
When night fell Kim had made camp in a cave in the woods because she
didn't what the others to find her.

Grace: ::singing:: I’ll tell you ‘want’ I ‘what’ ‘want’ I really really ‘what’…

Not fare from the cave Zel
came
walking. He had picked up Amelia's magic signature an hour
earlier.

Lori: What the…

Grace: Since I know nothing about the Slayers…I’ll leave this one to you…

Lori: Uh.. magical signature… well…you see…. I think it’s what they require you to give when you use your ‘magical credit card’ in the astral plane.

"I know you are near and this time I wont let you go

Grace: …even though last time, I was the one who ran off…

."
The signature was getting stronger now and he spotted the cave.
- Please be in there. He said to himself.

Lori: Wouldn’t he already know, since he’s following her signature?

When he entered the cave he saw Kim on the caves flour sleeping.

Lori: Introducing Cave Flour 5.0! Soft and fluffy for everything imaginable! Tired? Use some of Cave Flour 5.0 to sleep on! Hungry? Use Cave Flour 5.0 for making Cave Bread! Yes, folks, hard to believe this miracle stuff is on the market! Buy today!

He
walked over and kneeled down beside her. He looked at her and saw
that she was shivering he put his hand on her forehead. She had a
high fewer.
- Damn, way

Grace: ..to show your affection for me.

did you leave? He took his cloak and wrapped it around
her and held her in his arms.
- I will newer let you go, and that's a promise. He said and
kissed
her light

Lori: Zelgadis! How dare you take advantage of an unconscious girl like that! Kissing her light. You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

on her forehead.
- Zel...what are you doing here? He heard a week

Grace: …long lecture from Lori about kissing girls’ lights.

voice ask.
- I came fore you. I didn't want you to leave. 
She sat up and looked into his eyes.
- Why? I'm not Amelia and you know that.
- Because I love you. He said and smiled.

Lori: Okay, back the retard truck up. Let’s get this straight ~one~ more time. Kim, a strange girl from Sweden, makes a birthday wish to be transported to the Slayers universe, where she discovers that everyone speaks English. She’s happy because she knows that she’d be in deep crap if everyone spoke Japanese. Luckily, this world is like a crappily dubbed Slayers never ending episode and she’s ok. So she, as Amelia who has had a crush on Zel basically throughout the entire series, tells Zel of her otaku obsession by way of a kiss. And of course, as in all self insertion fics, he falls instantly in love with her, even though he still thinks she is Amelia. Which, by the way, is THE most retarded thing I have ever heard of. So, now that he knows that Kim is really Kim and the only reason he loves her is because she kissed him. ::takes a deep breath:: AAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Grace: Sounds about right…

Lori: ::Glare of Death©::

- It will take some time to get used to that you're not Amelia,
but I
will do it.
- You...L..Love me?

Grace: Yes, I believe he just said that…

- Yes, and I always will.
She just smiled at him and laid down into his arms and fell asleep
again.

Next morning the fewer were gone

Lori: Who are the fewer, and how did they get a cameo into this fic?

Grace: The better question is, why would they want a cameo in this fic.

and they started walking towards the
holy spring.

Grace: Not to be confused with the Holy Spring that contains the Holy water.

- Zel?
- Yes?
- I don't know what will happen to me when I separate from
Amelia's
body. I maybe return to my old body or die, because I don have a body
in this world.
- Can't you get a body in this world then?

Lori: Aren’t they concerned at all about Amelia?

Grace: ::muttering:: Body-stealing slut…

- Yes. But I can't use that sort of magic, and nether

Grace: …world monkeys will come and sprinkle poppies on our heads if we do…

can you.
- Ho can then?

Grace: Do you wanna do the Ghetto Ebonics Riff© again?

Lori: Sorry, I’m still recovering from my tirade…

- Xellos can....but I wont ask him because I already know he will say
no.

Lori: Really, I think he’d say something along the lines of ‘Sore wa himitsu desu’ like he ~usually~ does in the ~real~ Slayers series.

- It must be someone ells ho can.

Grace: Why would someone’s ells help them?

There must be.
- I still need to get a droop of his blood.

Lori: droop (n): 1) less than a dollop, more than a pinch. 2) (metric system) 6 mL

- How will you do that?
- I don't know. Any suggestions?

They retched the spring later that afternoon.

Grace: That must have been some Frat party…

Lori: I don’t even wanna know how you can possibly retch an entire spring. But, hey, love conquers all, right?

- Can I borrow your water holder Zel?

Lori: …I just have a little bit more water to retch.

Grace: Eew…

- Sure, here you go. He handed the water holder to Kim.
- Thank you. She gave him a small smile.
- That's the first ingredient. Now I need a drop of Maszuko

Grace: Wasn’t it ‘Mazuko’ blood before?

Lori: Nah… author-san would ‘newer’ be inconsistent like that!

Grace: You ‘haw’ a point.

blood.
The tricky thing is, how I'm going to get it?
- Are you people talking about me? They heard an annoying voice from
above

Lori: Hey! Bob’s making a cameo!

Grace: Well, at least we’re not the only ones stuck with the fic…

them.
- XELLOS! They jelled in union.

Grace: <Kim> I call this union meeting to order.

Lori: Wait, haven’t we done this riff already?

Grace: Yeah, but it’s so funny! Can’t you just picture Kim and Zel jelling in a union meet—oh ::turns green:: I see your point.

Lori: Wait! Don’t do it Grace! There’s been enough retching in this fic already!

- Wasn't Lina supposed to keep an eye on you? Zel said whit
irritation in his voice.
- How easy do you think it is to keep an eye on ME? Xellos said whit
his ordinary smile.

Lori: ::sarcastically:: Nice to see author-san kept ~one~ thing the same for Xellos…

- Well how long haw you been here? Kim said and looked at the
trickster priest.

Grace: Two.

- Long enough to hear what you need.
- And I spouse

Lori: <as Zel> Woah, Kim. I mean, that’s a big commitment. You ARE a girl from another world after all. I don’t know if I can settle down with an unstable relationship. I need to know that our relation is as stable as a rock before I can marry you.

Grace: ::groans:: Very punny Lori…

you won't just give it to us. What do you want
then?
She asked.
- I want....  

Grace: …a mouth full of dots.

                      Later...there will be more/Akikka

Lori: How ominous can you get/Lori

Grace: At least the pain is over for now/Grace

The two girls got up to leave the theater when suddenly the X-Men© movie came back on the screen.

“Cha ching!” Lori said. “This is great! No Bob equals no threats and/or updates on <<OPERATION BREAKAGE>>!”

Suddenly, the screen containing the gross face of Bob, TAMLOD, appeared.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU MINIONS ARE DOING?”

“We’re sitting in a theater listening to you. Duh.” Grace said nonchalantly.

“HMM, YOU’RE GETTING INSOLENT, THE TWO OF YOU ARE. TIME TO EXERT MY POWERS AS THE ALL MIGHTY LORD OF DARKNESS…”

The horrid figure held up his hand and suddenly the two girls doubled over in pain.

“HAVE FUN..MINIONS…”

“Ah…Grace, it stings…” Lori got out between bouts of pain.

“I know, but it’ll pass.” Grace replied.

Suddenly, the pain did stop. The girls sigh in relief.

“You really called that one Grace!” Lori said excitedly.

They exited the theater thinking the momentary pain was their punishment.

Back at MSTing HQ

“Uh, Lori? I have the sudden urge to write an original newspaper on a country in the Middle East.” Grace said in an uneasy tone.

“Really? I was thinking of Southwest Asia…Oh my god! What did I just say?!” exclaimed Lori.

Lori fell to the ground sobbing. To think of the pain and torture of writing an original newspaper without any guidelines and based purely on subjective grading systems…was just too much for the normally strong girl. Grace soon joined Lori on the floor, silently weeping because of the fact that Bob would not read all of the articles, but rather, grade upon grammar and spelling….This was going to be a long night…again.

E-mail me at earthianchinx@yahoo.com

I’d guess I’d be pretty hypocritical to not ask for flames. But if you feel you must, then I’ll respect your choice. But first, let me tell you the story of the Chinese Mafia...