Sailor Moon is copyright Naoko Takeuchi and all other companies. MST3K belongs to Best Brains Inc. Any random mention of songs, quotes, etc. are property of the money making machines that put them out. You probably shouldn’t sue me because all you’d be getting is one Rayearth manga, a Slayers Try video and some anime cards.

This story does not belong to me. It is property of Special K. I don’t intend to insult or cut down the author (even though it might seem like I am.) If any of you readers know Special K and know that he/she wants it taken down, feel free to e-mail me. I apologize in advance if this offends anyone. (wouldn’t I make a great corporate lawyer?)

So basically, I don’t own squat, I’m a poor Chinese high school student, I’m sorry for offending anyone (even though you should get your ass outta here if you don’t like this kinda stuff), and I did this out of sheer boredom instead of doing a project assigned to us for the summer.

Warning: I’ve not seen a single episode of MST3K. So beware of inconsistencies galore! Okay, on with the MST!

Grace was sitting in her chair trying to concentrate on what the Test Masters© guy was trying to say. Something was terribly wrong and she could feel it. Bob, TAMLOD, aka Mr. Smith, TOOG, hadn’t sent them a Sailor Sappy Fic© lately and she knew he was building up something bad…

Suddenly the door to the Test Masters© room burst open. There stood Lori (actually it was more like sagged) against the door trying to catch her breath.

“Is there something you need young lady?” asked the teacher in a strange Indian accent.

Lori merely held up her hand in a gesture of “give me a minute to catch my breath, buddy”.

“Yes I’m looking for Grace Liu.” said Lori as she looked at Grace with panic in her eyes.

Grace just sat there in defeat. “I knew it.” she muttered.

“I’m in the middle of something. Do you think it could wait?” asked the perturbed teacher.

“Uh, well, you see, I kind of have the motor running in the car…” stuttered Lori.

“Okay then, it must be very important. Grace?”

Grace sighed and then turned to Janet, “Take notes for me, k?” Then she gathered her things which she promptly lost when Lori grabbed her arm and started hauling ass to get to the car. “Hey! My stuff!” Grace yelped.

“No…time…must…get…to……car…” Lori panted.

They stopped to catch their breaths in the parking lot.

“So which car is ours?” asked Grace.

Lori walked up to a dark blue hummer. “This one.” She then hopped in and opened the door for Grace.

Grace got and buckled her seat belt, this was going to be a bumpy ride.

“Hey, I know what you’re thinking! I’m a good driver.” Lori sniffled. “If you don’t feel safe, you can get out and face Bob, TAMLOD, yourself!”

Grace sighed, “Sorry Lori, I know you’re a good driver, it’s just that I’ve never driven with you before…”

“I forgive you! By the way, I don’t have insurance, so would you be a dear and watch for cops?” Lori queried innocently.

As the two girls sped down 288 in a car that cost roughly 100,000 dollars. Grace began to question her sanity.

“Lori, I thought you were scared of the freeway…”

“Well, they way I look at it, it’s either the freeway or complete and utter destruction.” replied Lori.

Suddenly, a screen appeared before the driving girl.

“JUST WHERE ARE YOU TWO GOING?!”

“AHHHHH! Get the $&^% outta the way you maniac!” Lori screamed.

“Oh my god.” was all Grace could get out as her life flashed before her eyes.

Thankfully, the screen floated to the passenger side so Grace could no longer see the road. Both of them calmed down considerably. Grace quickly turned on the radio to 107.5 the Buzz and turned the volume up.

“… I need you by my side…kryptonite…” Lori sang along, out of key, with 3 Doors Down, Kryptonite.

“YOU THINK YOU CAN GET RID OF ME WITH BAD ROCK MUSIC? TAKE THIS!”

Bob, TAMLOD, aka Mr. Smith, TOOG, disappeared from the screen and a large boom box took his place. Then, a medley of Enya songs began blasting from the screen.

“Oh, god! So, painful…ears bleeding…must stop driving…” Lori muttered.

An evil laugh was heard and then the girls were transported to MST HQ©. Lori and Grace sat on the floor trying to recuperate from the Enya songs. And then Lori let loose a blood curdling scream. “MY HUUUUUUUUUUUMMER!!!”

“CORRECTION, MY HUMMER. NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, HERE’S THE CONTINUATION OF THAT NAMELESS SAILOR SAPPY FIC©. ENJOY, I KNOW I WILL…BE ENJOYING YOUR CAR! BWA HA HA!”

“Well, I guess we’d better get this over with.” Lori said with eerie calm.

“L…Lori? Aren’t you upset about the hummer?” asked Grace nervously.

Lori held up the brake pedal. “What me? Angry? Not at all…” And with that they turned towards the direction of the theater.

Both: We have Sailor Sappy Fic© alert!

Lori: ::looks around confused::

Grace: What are you looking for?

Lori: There’s usually a separation line to make fun of here….

I was going to stay anonymous

Grace: Please! Don’t let our presence make you feel obligated author-san…

, but I should just tell you my name. My

name is

Special K

Lori: You mean that weight loss cereal?

(no not the cereal)

Grace: Nope.

. I hope you have enjoy my story.

"First day and same Dickheads." Serena said

Lori: <as old Chinese lady> ::faints then gets up and with a bad Chinese accent, begins to scold like only old Chinese ladies can do:: Serena! Shame on you! Where’s my soap when I need it?

Grace: Oh wait, is this the parallel universe with the Japanese people acting like they’re from the ghetto?

Lori; ‘Fraid so.

looking to the front of the

class

where the popular

girls sat.

Grace: Apparently, in the parallel universe country of Japan, all the popular girls sit in the front.

Lori: Sorry to break this to you cereal-san, but here in this universe, the popular people usually sit in the back, seeing as how they have better things to concentrate on other than school.

Grace: Yeah, like which person to $%&* next.

Lori: Okay that’s it! ::takes out her bar of soap and proceeds to chase Grace around the theater with it:: (AN: sorry grace!)

"Oh yeah them.." Darien paused. "Oh shutup." She glared at

him,

but stoped when she

saw a group of girls coming her way. "Hey Darien and what's up with

the new

guy?"

Lori: <as Serena> Yo, *$&#^, talk to me, not my road-dog here.

The red head asked as she sat on Serena's desk. "Oh nothing."

Serena

said in a deep voice, which sounded

like a guy. "So what's your name?" She asked back.

Lori: ^_^; What did that last paragraph just say….

Grace: Well, apparently, Cereal-san forgot the fact that red over there asked Darien and not Serena. But Serena answered ‘back’ to red’s question. Get it?

Lori: =) You’re so smart! J

"It's Shawn." Serena

said

trying to steady

her voice.

Grace:… because suddenly Serena, aka Shawn, felt butterflies in her stomach that a beautiful girl was tal-

Lori: ::wipes her hand on her pants after inserting the bar of Dove© in Grace’s mouth:: Normally, I say whatever floats your boat. But I think this is a little much. If I recall correctly, Serena is a very ::ehem:: ‘feminine’ girl. How could anyone mistake her for a boy?

She wrote down Shawn and Darien's number, then handed it to

the

red head who could have melt.

Lori: …butter with the lusty look she gave ‘Shawn’.

Grace: Eh…

Lori: Hey, you were being particularly hentai, so I thought, why not?

"Here call me." Serena told the girl. The

red

head scooted off the desk to fix her short

skirt. On her way back to her seat she turned and blew a kiss a Serena,

Serena/Shawn pretended

to catch it. Darien started to giggle. "Wow Shawn." darien said turning

his

giggles into laughter.

Lori: <as announcer> Next time on Maury: Hunky men, or manly women? (AN: He actually has done many a show with this little subject…)

"Stop it Darien or I'll call you muffin again." Darien ceased his

laughter

and caught the fist that

Serena was throwing at him.

Lori: <as Darien> Oops, dropped that fist! Could you throw me another?

Grace: <as Serena> You try to play catch with a fake fist with a guy, and what does he do?

Lori: <as Darien> Hey, you’re the one that started it. Stop it or I’ll call you fruitcake.

Grace:<as Serena> Bring it on, Muffin.

Lori:<as Darien> Fruitcake!

Grace: Why is she punching him? Aren’t you supposed to threaten and then when your threat is challenged, carry it out? Rather than changing your ‘punishment’ without warning? Ru-ude!

"Excuse me.... Boy right...

Grace: …about now I could go for a cool refreshing Nestea©.

Lori: Nestea© Cools you to the core.™

" Mina was cut

off by

Lori: …the landing of the mother ship in the middle of the room?

Grace:…the guillotine?

the Teachers yelling.

"I will have no kids fighting in here (of course everyones head

turned

Grace: …around, and around, and around. Just like that freaky girl in the Poltergeist.

).

Young man state your

purpose." The Teacher huffed out.

Lori: One minute he’s yelling, the next huffing, what’ll it be next? Blowing the house down?

The entire class drew

Grace: …rainbows. They don’t have meetings about rainbows.

quiet. Serena

stood

up and took her

hat off, she then pulled off her red bandana letting her long golden

locks

of blonde hair hit the

floor.

Lori: Consistency Girl! To the rescue!

Grace: <as a little girl> CG! ::pointing to the paragraph in the fic:: Fix it please!

Lori: First: When the heck did they allow hats, bandanas, or any ghetto clothing for that matter into JAPANESE schools. Second: Either Serena has incredibly thin hair or it stays in Hammerspace© inside her bandana AND hat. I’d say it must give her a headache, but since her brain is lacking, there’s plenty of room up there….

The class gasped, the stuck-ups snorted

Grace: …because they wanted to be let out of the pen…

Lori: coming to theaters neat you! Pig Run! PR:1. Be there!

, the red head went cross

eyed

and passed out

making a loud thump hitting the floor; Darien was still holding his

breath;

Grace: When did he start?

and Mina was thinking

of a hair style for her. "I'm a female. My name is Serena, do you have

a

problem?"

Grace: <as teacher> ::snapping her fingers with attitude:: Huh uh. Don’t you be coming up in here with that a-tti-tude! You get your skinny little arse out in the hallway honey!

Lori: My name is Serena. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

She spoke

as clearly as she could cause she knew all eyes were on her and her

Road-dog

Lori: …who was sitting on the floor beside her desk, tongue out of his mouth, panting (like the dog he is), and wagging his tail…

wasn't

breathing. "Sorry Serena." Mina said breaking the ice. Darien breathed

in and

out watching

Serena wrap her hair back underneath the hat.

Grace: And back into Hammerspace© it goes…

"Wow. Why didn't you ever

tell

me your hair

was that long?" He asked her. "Do you remember the hair cutting bubble

gum

thing."

Grace: <as Announcer> Today on the Jerry Springer! Amnesia and the lives it changes.

Lori: <as Jerry> Hello Serena, nice to have you here today.

Grace:<Serena> Nice to be here Jerry.

Lori: <Jerry> I understand that you’ve brought your friend here today to confront him about his amnesia.

Grace:<Serena> Yes Jerry. He can’t remember an episode that was so important to me. The hair cutting bubble gum incident.

Lori:<Jerry> Don’t you have any pity for him? I mean he ~does~ have amnesia.

Audience: Boo! Hiss! You whore!

Grace:<Serena> No…::trying to speak over the audience:: I even wrote it down for him! I mean, I want an explan- ::gets up to confront the rowdy audience:: Oh yeah? Is that what you think ::BEEP:: get up here! ::is stopped from advancing upon the members of the audience who have started their Jerry Chant© by that bald guy, all the while spewing obscenities left and right.

Lori: <Jerry> Ok, let’s bring Darien out.

ENTER DARIEN

Lori:<Jerry> Hello Darien, welcome.

Lori: ::looking a bit odd talking to herself during this riff::<as Darien> Hi Jerry.

Lori:<Jerry> Your friend Serena has brought you here to confront you about a certain issue. Serena?

Grace:<Serena> ::turning to Darien:: Darien, you know you’re my friend right?(AN: Doesn’t it always start out as a simple question?) Well, what I want to know is…why can’t you remember the hair cutting bubble gum incident?!

Lori:<Darien> You….you…::BEEEEEEEEP:: ::BEEP:: ::BEEP:: ::he lunges at Serena and slaps her::

~INSERT HEATED FIGHT HERE~

Lori:<Darien> ::is in his seat with the bald guy in between Serena and himself, now considerably calmer::

Grace:<Serena> ::with her hoochie dress torn, she sits quietly while Jerry finishes with his final thought::

She

said brushing Darien's bangs back away from his dark mysterious blue

eyes,

Grace: Since when were his eyes ‘mysterious’?

Lori: Probably from that oxygen deprivation when he wasn’t breathing…

making him

flinch at the soft touch.

Lori: Grace, remind me again why a person would flinch at a ‘soft’ touch…

Grace: Remember? They’re in a parallel universe….

Lori: ::bangs her head against the back of the theater seat in front of her…repeatedly:: Make ::bang:: the ::bang:: hurting ::bang:: stop! ::bang::

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Grace: Look mom! The Rockies!

Lori: <as little Timmy> Look Mom! A serrated knife!

Grace:<as little Timmy’s mom> Timmy! Put that thing back before you- ::sighs:: Oh great, how are they going to reattach that?

"What's the matter with you?" Serena said as she looked up at Darien.

"Nothing." He replied. "I've got

Lori:…mail?

Grace: …no milk?

you four phone numbers." She stated

"Come on." He said taking in her hand. "Look at the guy's holding hands

in

public.

" Two girls said.

Grace: ::mutters:: They should talk…

"Get a room." An old couple yelled.

Lori: Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t they on a school campus?

Grace: Maybe it’s “Take the Disgruntled Old People Out for a Walk Day’.

"Cake boys, there

papa

toys." The

group of boys snickered.

Grace: Must take a lot of practice for them to say it together like that.

Lori: What does that mean anyway?

Grace: I think it’s supposed to read, with correct grammar: Cake boys, they’re papa’s toys.

Lori: That still doesn’t make any sense at all.

Grace: Maybe in this parallel universe it does...

Lori: Ah, you mean where good grammar doesn’t exist?

Grace: ::nods:: It’s a cold, lonely, sad parallel universe Lori. You should get used to it.

Serena and Darien moved closer

Lori: …to the goal of one day getting Serena a sex change operation.

Grace: Eew.

Lori: Hehe, well, I wanted to try being the morbid one before the fic ends.

together not

realizing his arm

slip around her waist and neither did she notice hers. See they were

used to

rude comments ever since middle school.

kind of short, but my time is limited.

Grace:…Did…I just miss something here?

Lori: Yeah, like the ending.

Grace: No closing comments to mock? No invitation for criticism which we so readily give?

Lori: Guess cereal-san already knows that she’s (I’m saying she b/c…well, what guy would write a Sailor Sappy Fic©?) missing a plot…

Grace: …good grammar…

Both: And CONSISTENCY!

Lori: I think that about wraps it up.

Grace: Yup.

The two girls got up and walked out of the theater. Lori was unusually silent and melancholy, a far cry from the overly sarcastic and energetic girl that annoyed Grace so well.

“Are you still sad about the car?”asked Grace.

“Nah.” Lori smiled. “Besides, I got my reve-“

“MINION!!!! WHERE IS THE BRAKE PEDAL FOR THE HUMMER?!”

“Why, Overlord Bob, whatever do you mean?” Lori asked innocently while hiding the pedal behind her back.

Suddenly, Grace got an evil look on her face. “Why don’t you ask Natalie, Bob-sama?” Grace said sweetly.

Bob, TAMLOD, became red and turned away from the screen for a second.

“NO RANTING TODAY MINIONS. I HAVE TO FIND ~NATALIE~ NOW…”

“You rock, Grace!” Lori yelled in admiration.

“Yeah, well, consider it payback for that little Ryo thing that one time…”

“How is little Ryo-chan doing?”

E-mail me at earthianchinx@yahoo.com

I’d guess I’d be pretty hypocritical to not ask for flames. But if you feel you must, then I’ll respect your choice. Now, let me tell you the story of the Chinese Mafia...