Sailor Moon is copyright Naoko Takeuchi and all other companies. MST3K belongs to Best Brains Inc. Any random mention of songs, quotes, etc. are property of the money making machines that put them out. You probably shouldn’t sue me because all you’d be getting is one Rayearth manga, a Slayers Try video and some anime cards.

This story does not belong to me. It is property of Special K. I don’t intend to insult or cut down the author (even though it might seem like I am.) If any of you readers know Special K and know that he/she wants it taken down, feel free to e-mail me. I apologize in advance if this offends anyone. (wouldn’t I make a great corporate lawyer?)

So basically, I don’t own squat, I’m a poor Chinese high school student, I’m sorry for offending anyone (even though you should get your ass outta here if you don’t like this kinda stuff), and I did this out of sheer boredom instead of doing a project assigned to us for the summer.

Warning: I’ve not seen a single episode of MST3K. So beware of inconsistencies galore! Okay, on with the MST!

~MSTing HQ~

Grace was having a bad day. Very bad. She rubbed her temples for the hundredth time while trying to explain to Lori what to do.

“Lori, look, all you have to do is review the book and criticize it. You’re really good at criticizing. I mean, we’ve been doing it for the better part of the summer.”

“But Grace,” Lori whined, “that was in a humorous way! This is serious analytical stuff!”

Grace sighed and then said, “Lori, look, all you have to do is review the book and criticize it…”

“AND HOW ARE MY DELIGHTFUL MINIONS TODAY? I TRUST YOU ARE WELL AND WORKING ON MY WONDERFUL ASSIGNMENT.”

“Grace, I’ve got an idea! I think we can use reverse psychology to ‘persuade’ Bob to stop giving us horrible fanfics. Follow my lead.” Lori whispered.

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO WHISPERING ABOUT?”

“I was just telling Grace how much I’ve been looking forward to this MST. I mean it’s been a while. You know, I find MSTing a great source of entertainment!” Lori lied and elbowed Grace.

“Uh…yeah, they’re really fun…” Grace muttered.

“WELL, SINCE YOU FIND THEM FUN, I GUESS I HAVE TO STEP UP MY TORTURE FOR <<OPERATION BREAKAGE>> ::INSERT EVIL BOB LAUGHTER HERE:: ENJOY YOUR FIC MINIONS”

Grace punched Lori on the arm. “I think the title ‘all mighty lord of darkness’ gives away the fact that he’s immune to reverse psychology!” raged Grace.

Lori muttered a quick apology while rubbing her sore arm as the two girls made their way to the theater.

Both: We’ve got fanfiction sign!

DOORS

Door 1: It is a door made entirely out of the books on the history summer reading list. You feel the urge to kill Bob, TAMLOD, aka Mr.Smith, TOOG, but you realize he is all mighty and you settle for just burning the bloody door down.

Door 2: It is a door made of cheese. You crinkle your nose at it seeing as how you don’t really like cheese that much. As you stand there contemplating it, the entire cast of Ronin Warriors shows up plus two hyper girls that like cheese. You sweatdrop and move away very carefully.

Door 3: It is not a door. You sigh, obviously the Door-maker’s union decided on another strike. Instead it is a wall of those milk bottles that they have at fairs. You pay a dollar for three wiffle balls. You sweatdrop and try your luck anyway. After trying unsuccessfully at knocking down the bottles you get upset and kick the wall. You limp away to the next door, all the while thinking that you knew those games were fixed.

Door 4: It is a regular door. You’re amazed and you reach out to touch it. But at your touch, the door collapses to reveal an angry mob of the Door-maker’s union members. They scream at you and demand more money while waving their signs in your face. You run….

Door 5: It is an airplane door because the airplane people haven’t gone on strike yet. (well, the pilots have, but not the boeing ppl) You look through the window on the door and see an ugly looking gremlin thing. You scream and point but whenever someone looks out the window, they don’t see anything. And so you are carted off to the crazy house.

Door 6: It is a wall of crayons. You squeal in delight and grab the pretty blue one at the base of the wall. the whole thing comes down and you quietly mourn the loss of the pretty blue one which is now lost under the sea of crayons. You step over the large pile and enter the theater.

Grace: Wow, it’s been a while since we’ve MSTed anything in this theater.

Lori: Ah nostalgia…

Grace: More like nausea…

Lori: So what kind of fic are we doing today?

Bob: ::over the PA:: For you ladies today, we have the third part to the nameless fic by Special K.

Lori: I can’t believe we have to sit through this crap.™

I have regulated time.

Grace: Wow, I didn’t know cereal-san was so powerful…

Lori: ::muttering:: She can regulate time, yet can’t write a decent fic…

"Mom I'm at Darien's, don't worry

Lori: …we’re just two teenage kids that dress like punks….

." Serena hung up the phone. "let's

order

pizza." Serena

suggested. "Yeah and buy 10 pizza's again." Darien said nonchalantly.

"Okay,

3." She sighed.

Grace: How can you sigh and say those things at the same time?

Lori: Really easy. Watch. ::sighing:: Kill me now.

"Deal." He shook her hand. A half an hour later Serena started to moan.

Lori: ::paling:: Please tell me that’s from indigestion…

Grace: Eating three pizza’s in 30 minutes kinda does that to you.

"It's

hot, are you?"

Grace: Have you looked at that guy?

Lori: You frighten me.

Grace: Well, he is hot.

Lori: I bet he’s not as hot as ‘it’.

She said standing up to take off

Lori: Here we go…

Grace: Another description?

her blue shirt to reveal a white tank

top,

she then took off

her hat, bandana, and pants to reveal her hair and daisy dukes.

Grace: So ghetto people in Japan wear all those clothes? Whoever heard of wearing shorts underneath your pants?

Lori: Introducing Layered Clothes Serena 5.0! Tired of all those girls that just wear just one layer of clothing? Well, have no fear because Layered Clothes Serena is here! She comes with double layers of clothing for everything. The top layer is a fashionable thug ensemble while the second layer is an authentic hick outfit! Buy today! (includes double layered head gear.)

Darien

looked

her up and

down.

Lori: …and all around…

Grace: <as Serena> Darien! Stop looking me everywhere! I’m getting dizzy!

"Don't you want to pull that wedgy out, cutting off all

circulation."

Grace: Don’t you want to make sense, confusing all readers.

Lori: Circulation to where? Her brain certainly doesn’t need it.

Grace: Ouch, that’s gotta smart!™

He said teasingly,

starting to smile.

Lori: But didn’t get to finfish, because just then, the mother ship came and took him away.

Grace: Haven’t you done that riff before?

Lori: Yeah, but the classics never die…

"Oh you have had your last joke for today." She said

Grace: …as she took out her transformation pen and beat Darien over the head until he died. <<THE END>>

Lori: Afraid it’s going to turn lemony fresh?

Grace: More than you know…

running playfully

Lori: Tell me again how you can run playfully?

Grace: Same way you retch grumpily…

to

tackle him over the couch

Grace: Wha….

Lori: I think they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch…

, but only find herself over his shoulders

being

spun around.

They dropped to the floor making a soft thud.

Lori: Rather than a loud THUD, because that would alert the neighbors to their hentai acts and that would be wrong.

Grace: Eew! You don’t think that Bob would do that to us, do you?

Lori: Nah, he’s a little wuss. Don’t worry about it.

Darien couldn't break the

gaze.

Grace: Bob couldn’t break our spirits with this sap.

Lori: Did he ever try looking away?

"Bunny."

Lori: <as cereal-san> Dear readers now that I’ve transported Usagi and Mamoru to a parallel universe where they’re punks, I will now screw you over more by adding the manga names. Thank you.

Grace: ::singing:: Little bunny Foo foo, hopping through the forest…

He whispered. Serena eyes grew wider

Grace: …until they became so wide, they exploded. <<THE END>>

Lori: Nice try Grace. Don’t worry, if it gets lemony, we’ll close our eyes.

and their lips were inches apart.

"Darien we're

home." His Mom

Lori: Look Grace! A new character! Why don’t you introduce us, His Mom.

Grace: <as His Mom> Well, I used to be His Dad until I married a surgeon…

Lori: Eew! Bad pun…creative, but bad…

called as Serena scattered to put her cloths on.

Grace: …until she realized that you have to be together to put your clothes on…

"I see

you

have taken

the liberty to order out." Mrs. Chiba spoke. Mrs. Chiba was taller than

me,

Lori: How tall is that?

Grace: Well, how tall is Special K?

Lori: Well, about a foot tall…

Grace: Okay then, that’s settled. Darien’s mom is a transvestite midget.

she had the

clearest blue eyes, a blackish blue hair color, and vanilla skin.

Grace: I see midgets come with flavored skin nowadays.

"Yeah

there's a box left."

Darien told her staring at Serena.

Lori: Geez, can’t you keep anything off her?

"Serena didn't eat it all." Nika

said

Grace: Nika? Who the….

Lori: Is that supposed to be some vague reference to a Japanese name? Because last time I checked, this was a bad English version.

making her six year

old daughter Nanisha jump.

Lori: In front of a train at the tragic news that Serena was anorexic. <<THE END>>

Grace: At least I’m not the only one hurting…

Nanisha

Grace: Okay, I think I understand. Darien’s midget mom comes from Japan and she named her daughter a ghetto Japanese name to fit with the ghetto theme of this messed up fic.

Lori: Yay! You go Grace. Of course my opinion is that the author is messed up.

was short, had the cutest little

pout,

the prettiest

hair color of blue,

Lori: Cerulean?

Grace: Periwinkle?

Lori: ::glaring at Grace:: Cerulean!

Grace: Periwinkle!

her eye's were baby blue,

Grace: Sky blue?

Lori: Light blue?

Grace: Glare of Death©

Lori: …

and she totally loved her

favorite cartoon

Sailor Moon.

Lori: I thought Sailor Moon was an anime.

Grace: It’s like an anime inside of an anime. Psychedelic man!

"I'm gone until everyone appreciates my ability to eat.

Grace: ::thanks the gods that nobody would dare appreciate that talent::

Bye yall.

Lori: Bye honey! Oh, take them jugs of moonshine to your pa. Tell ‘im thanks for the tractor pull.

Bye Muffin."

Grace: ::breathing deeply:: If there’s one more new character…

Lori: That’s it! Screw the censors! ::begins unleashing unspeakable words at the author::

Serena said waving to everyone and giving Darien a kiss on the cheek.

Lori: Eh?! I thought they were just friends! They’re getting it on in front of His Mom, Nika, Nanisha, and Muffin!

Grace: Chalk another one up to the horny Japanese girls’ side.

"Muffin." Darien

said looking more than just puzzled.

Grace: Would that be at the confused level or the perplexed level?

Lori: <as Darien> Why do you look like me?

Grace: <as Muffin> I think I look better than you, frankly.

Nika gave off fake tears. "My

little boy

is growing up."

Lori: Oh, was it the macking that clued you in?

She sniffled out.

Grace: Oh cry me a river.

"Eew Darien haves cooties." Nanisha giggled out

Lori: Eew! Cereal-san haves no spell check!

Grace: ::giggling out::

running

out of the room.

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Grace: That’s a steady heart beat…

"what is it with you wanting to be like me?"

Lori: <as Serena> Boy don’t be getting dat attitude wit me. You know you jus hatin’ on me jus cuz I be looking fine, all up wit mah bad self.

Grace: <as Darien> Girl, you ain’t all dat.

Lori: <<SYNTAX ALERT>> It should be ‘your wanting’ bwa ha ha ha!!!!

Grace: You frighten me…

Darien said picking

Grace: …daisies?

Lori: …his nose?

Grace: Eew…

with

Serena.

"Oh please,

you want to be like me." Serena said chewing her gum. "Here comes

Ashley."

She said

sucking her teeth.

Lori: <as Serena> Damn these dentures! Never stay in!

Grace: Argh! More characters! ::starts turning red::

Lori: Woah, is that what I look like when I get upset about consistency?

Grace: We’ll find out in a sec, look. ::pointing to the screen::

"um.. Darien do you have a date for the Valentines

dance,

cause if

you don't I would like.." Ashley paused. "yes he does." Serena butted

in.

Grace: So, Lori, how can Serena butt into her own question?

Lori: ::turns red:: Urgh…

Grace: Yup, definitely looks the same….

Ashley sucked

her teeth

Lori: Introducing Lollipop Dentures 5.0! Need something to suck on when you’re nervous but find those ‘other’ lollipops annoying? Well, now you don’t have to worry about that problem! With Lollipop Dentures 5.0 you can suck your teeth when you get nervous and still have a bright, pearly smile! Buy today! (comes in grape and cherry)

at the sound of Serena's voice. "Who asked you, I wasn't

talking to

you any

way." Ashley said

Grace: …in fact, I just now started talking…

sucking her teeth again. "Let me verify."

Lori: …I like talking and interrupting myself…

Serena

took her

hands

and pulled Darien's face towards hers for a peck on the lips,

Grace: Now they’re macking in public? In front of Ashley?

Lori: <as old Chinese Lady> Ne jo mut ye? Aiya! Gum yie? ::raises cane to beat Serena::

Grace: Figures you’d only know the phrases “What are you doing” and “Bad” in Cantonese…

but that

wasn't

enough

for her, she forced her tongue

Lori: ::grimacing:: I’d say give a point to the author if I weren’t trying to keep from puking.

Grace: Why give the author a point?

Lori: Spelled tongue right.

in slowly as he responded.

Grace: Ye gads, where’s the popcorn bucket?!

Lori: You don’t wanna look in there. Here. ::hands Grace an airplane barf bag::

Grace: Thanks, you saved this from that Digimon MST?

Lori: Yup.

Then she

pulled

away

relunctantly.

Lori: I’m ‘relunctant’ to read anymore of this fic…

"screw you!" Ashley screamed knowing that everyone

outside saw.

Grace: But the people on the inside were spared from the clichéd phrase.

Lori: Ignorance is bliss…

Darien was quiet with a small smile tugging at his lips.

Lori: …while a medium smile yanked on his…

Grace: Woosh!

Lori: HAIR! Thank you very much!

Until next time folks....

Grace: Could this mean the fic is over?

Lori: How could you tell? The promise of more torture?

Grace: Well, I guess we could get on with the flames and such…

Lori: ::whining:: But Grace! They haven’t changed at all! Cereal-san hasn’t given us anything except new characters and confusing dialogue.

Grace: Not to mention the hill billy Serena…

Lori: There’s still no plot…

The two girls stretch and walk out of the theater. Well, Grace was walking, Lori was moping.

“What’s wrong Lori? The fic wasn’t that bad.” said Grace.

“It’s not that, it’s just that I haven’t written my review yet…” Lori trailed off.

“WELL MINIONS, IN THE MOOD FOR SOME RANTING? GOOD, BECAUSE I CERTAINLY AM. LOOKS LIKE <<OPERATION BREAKAGE>> IS COMING ALONG NICELY. I THINK YOU TWO ARE BEING LULLED INTO A FALSE SECURITY. MWA HA HA HA!” Bob’s screen blipped off and the girls returned to the MST computer room.

Grace sighed. “Lori, look, all you have to do is summarize the book and criticize it….”

E-mail me at earthianchinx@yahoo.com

I’d guess I’d be pretty hypocritical to not ask for flames. But if you feel you must, then I’ll respect your choice. But first, let me tell you the story of the Chinese Mafia...