Slayers is property of H. Kanzaka, R. Araizumi, Kadokawa, TV Tokyo, SOFTX, and all other associate companies. MST3K belongs to Best Brains Inc. Any random mention of songs, quotes, etc. are property of the money making machines that put them out. You probably shouldn’t sue me because all you’d be getting is one Rayearth manga, a Slayers Try video and some anime cards.

This story does not belong to me, it is the property of the author. I don’t intend to insult or cut down the author (even though it might seem like I am.) If any of you readers know this person and know that he/she wants it taken down, feel free to e-mail Blue Enchantress so she can take it down. I apologize in advance if this offends anyone. (wouldn’t I make a great corporate lawyer?)

So basically, I don’t own squat, I’m a poor Chinese high school student, I’m sorry for offending anyone (even though you should get your ass outta here if you don’t like this kinda stuff), and I did this out of sheer boredom instead of doing a project assigned to us for the summer.

Warning: I’ve not seen a single episode of MST3K. So beware of inconsistencies galore! Okay, on with the MST!

Grace and Lori sat in front of the TV playing Cruisin’ USA on N64. Grace, as usual, was winning while Lori was complaining about how crappy her car was.

“I think your car has better gas than mine,” Lori lamented.

“Maybe.” Grace knew better than to contradict Lori in a situation like this. They both knew that Bob, the All Mighty Lord of Darkness, was preparing to send them through another gauntlet of the nameless Slayers fic.

“Yes! I think I’m finally gonna win!” yelled Lori.

“You don’t have to yell, it’s only a game, Lori.” Grace muttered.

Suddenly, the face of Bob, the All Mighty Lord of Darkness (TAMLOD for short), appeared on the TV screen. A scream was heard throughout the universe.

Meanwhile, on Voyager…..

Henson Kim: Captain, there’s a disturbance coming from the wormhole we’ve been studying. It appears to be a sound.

Janeway: Well, even though there’s no sound in space but in all space movies they have sounds of explosions in space, let’s hear it, Henson Kim.

Henson Kim: Ok, Captain. Even though my name in real life is Chinese, yet the writers gave me a distinctly Korean name.

Sound: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Earth….

“Anyway, minions, I have another assignment for you.”

Grace flinched in fear of both BOB, TAMLOD, and of the horror of the horrible things to come. Lori just sat silently after emitting the horrible scream.

“As you know, I’ve been sending you to work on a continuing nameless Slayers fic.” stated Bob, TAMLOD, nonchalantly. “I trust you are doing well.”

Grace got a little green and Lori just sat silently. Suddenly, Lori began to giggle uncontrollably.

“Psst, Grace, ever notice how much Bob, TAMLOD, looks like Mr. Smith, the Overlord of Geography (TOOG for short)?” Lori whispered to her friend.

“Yeah, maybe they were separated at birth or something.” Grace giggled back.

“HEY,” boomed the voice, “I’m talking here. Anyway, you two still have some humor left in you. That’s a sign that I am not doing enough to make your lives a living hell. I condemn you to MST this fic until it’s over then, I want you to do more work! I will break your wills soon enough.”

~BLIP~ The TV was turned off and the two girls were left sitting in front of it holding each other.

“Woah, that was scarier than usual.” muttered Grace.

“Yeah, well, scarier or not, we have a fic to do.” replied Lori.

BOTH: We have fanfiction sign!

DOORS

Door 1: is a screen door that you don’t see and run into.

Door 2: is a fake door with a key to the REAL door hidden inside(they’ll never find the key in there).

Door 3: is a mattress hinged to a wall.

Door 4: is made entirely of Britney Spears CD’s. You back away slowly.

Door 5: is a plastic curtain filled with blue water. You see fish swimming around in the water and sweatdrop.

Door 6: is made of bead curtains with fog coming from the ground. You enter.

Lori: I can’t believe we have to sit through this crap again.

Grace: We can’t even insult the title because it doesn’t have one!

Lori: Well, at least we don’t have to do a lemon. ::shudders::

Grace: Shh. Don’t let Bob hear you!

Like I said here is part 3.

Lori: What an intro….

Enjoy.

Grace: (sarcastically) Right, yup, sure we will….

/Akikka
Lori: /Lori

Grace: /Grace

______________________________________________________________________
Lori: The thin line between love and hate…

Grace: The very thin line between a good fic and a bad one…

Part3

Lori: Yes, I think we established that in the lengthy intro.

>>Well half a year passed and I actually fought giant slugs and
dragons. Well it took me some time to get the hang of how to cast
spells and so on.

Lori: ...and on, and on...

I messed up several spells but Zel was always there
to protect me. And Zel and I came closer then I ever could image.

Grace: “Image” that.

Lori: I couldn’t “imagine” this fic with correct spelling…

The that darn Mazoku showed up.<<

The group was traveling down a rode and Amelia/Kim and Zel was
walking behind Lina and Gourry to be alone with etch other.

Lori: Eh?! POV change? Lori calls point off for the author! Consistency ppl!

Grace: Noted.

Then Xellos popped up behind Amelia and took of with her.

Lori: Damn those Mazoku! Always taking “of” with innocent Swedish girls inside of princesses’ bodies!

Grace: Especially when she gets her birthday wish of being in Amelia’s body and convinces Zel to love her and forget his cure!

Lori: <<recap alert>>

- AMELIA! Zel shouted and draw Lina and Gourry's attention.
- Zel what's wrong? Where did Amelia go?
- That damn Mazoku took her.
- WHAT?

BOTH: HE SAID THAT DAMN MAZOKU TOOK HER!

Why?
- How shod I know?
- Because she's your girlfriend.

Grace: (imitating Zel) Well, you see, we haven’t really made it official yet….

Lori: (imitating Lina) Heck, what “wod” I know, I’ve hardly gotten any screen time in this fic!

They kept arguing fore a wile and in a place not fare from there
Xellos and Amelia/Kim stood.

Lori: Geez, would this person PLEASE make up his/her mind about the identity of Amelia/Kim?

Grace: I don’t know, Lori/onna no tasuki, it might be too much trouble “fore” him/her.

Lori: Well, “wile” I wouldn’t go that “fare”, you have a point.

- What do you want Xellos?
- Oh I just wanted to talk.
- Sure and I'm a giant Slug.

Grace: (imitating Xel) Really Amelia, how traumatic, would you like to suffer while I feed off your emotions for a while?

Lori: (imitating Amelia) Well, it started as a simple green rash on my arm. I didn’t think anything of it. I knew I should have listened to that sorceress we killed...

What do you rely

Grace:...on when you’re down?

Lori: ...on when you need to get away?(from a horrible fic like this)

want?
- I want to know what you are doing in Amelia's body!
- What are you talking about?
- I think you know pretty well what I'm talking about.
- NO. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU AR TALKING ABOUT!

Lori: Grace! It’s the attack of the capital letters!

Grace: Can’t you just feel the scathing emotion in the retort?

Lori: Now what “ar” YOU talking about?

-Well let me remind you then.

Grace: …about the lobotomy..

Lori: (imitating Amelia) ::drooling:: oh yeah….

- "What is going on here?" Do you remember that? Amelia
couldn't
speck that language and I don't know what it means ether but I
haw
herd you speck and thought it several times.

Grace: Before you say anything, the spelling riff is dead!

Lori: -_- party pooper…

- That's ridiculous. It's no proof at all.
- But if I enter your mind, I can be certain.
- No you can't, I won't let you.
- You know that you can't stop me. I'm too strong.

Lori: (imitating Zel) I have to be strong! Strong!

Xello's walked closer to Amelia/Kim and she didn't do
anything she
was too afraid. Xello's cupped his hand under her chin and kissed
her.
- Well now I know for certain that you're not Amelia. And that
your
name is Kimberly Ohmsford. And lots of other things.

Grace: She’s a body stealing whore?

Lori: What you did last summer?

Grace: What you did last summer...still?

Lori: (imitating Xellos) ::with interrogation lamp:: You sell drugs, don’t you! I have ALL the time in the world.

Grace: (imitating Amelia) Do you know my favorite scary movie?

- What do you want from me? She said whit tears running down her
cheeks.

Lori: <<Walt Whitman alert!>>

Grace: Once I pass'd through a populous city…

- Well to start whit I can ask why you are in Amelia's body and
where
Amelia is?
- I don't know the answer to ether of toes

Lori: Woah! “Ether of toes” Must be some knock out gas!

Grace: Eew...

questions. The only
thing
I know is that I woke up in this body after that I maid a wish at my
16 birthday.
- And what did you wish fore?

BOTH: FORE!

Lori: Did you get it in between Lincoln’s legs?

Grace: Nope, lost it in the water.

- Didn't you say that you know a lot of things from my mind?

Lori: ::sings:: In my mind, in my mind, in my mind, you live…

- Uh..well I don't know that language you speck so it is a little
tricky to understand all of your memory.
- Ok, lucky fore me then.

Lori: Must…stop…from...making...spelling...riff…

- What?
- Oh nothing. Well you wanted to know what I wished fore right? By
this time she had stopped crying.
- Yes.
- Well I wished fore me to bee in the Slayers world as Amelia.

Lori: urge…to…riff….rising….

- "Slayers world"?
- Yes in my world this is only a cartoon show.
- Your world? Cartoon show? What are you talking about?

Grace: (imitating Amelia) Well, you see, Xellos-chan, your world and your wonderful powers are all the figments of imaginations of some artist in a country called Japan. I guess that confirms the question about our world being a dream of some aliens. In this case, it’s true for you.

Lori: (imitating Xellos) Nooooooo. Say it ain’t so , what a world, what a world…

- This is going to take a lot of time if you want me to explain
everything! Well cartoon is a bunch of drawings on a bunch of paper
ho make a moving figure. And I come from the real world my world.

Grace: Next time on Real World Sweden…

Lori: (imitating Kim’s Swedish friend) I don’t know, I’m trying to work out my differences with Kim. It’s like she’s changed somehow. She can speak Japanese, and boy does it help when it comes to getting cheap anime! We don’t even need a cheap fansub, we just get Kim to translate.

Grace: (imitating another of Kim’s Swedish friends) Yeah, but I’m really worried about her, every time she sees a slug, she yells out “Elemikia Lance!” Like saying that will help!

- Ok. But that don't explain where Amelia are.
- I don't know where she is. And if we haw rely bad luck she is
in my
body and don't understand a thing.
- I don't think so. I think she is still in there but her mind is
sleeping. You haw to tell the others.
- No I don't want to. I love it like this. I don't want it to
change.
- You will tell them.
- NO I WONT!

Grace: …and that’s final! I have my man! Amelia couldn’t get him before! I won’t let her wake up!

Lori: …go to bed with you! NAGANOMI!!!

Lina, Zel and Gourry herd Amelia scream and started running at that
direction. When the came to the spot Amelia laid on the ground
unconscious.
- What haw you don to her you damn Mazuko? Zel jelled

Lori: …up and tried to squeeze through…

Grace: …some instant jello pudding(although, it’s not REALLY instant, you have to wait 10 minutes, false advertisement…tsk tsk)

and ran towards
the unconscious girl.
- That girl is not Amelia.
- WHAT?

BOTH: HE SAID THAT GIRL IS NOT AMELIA!!

Grace: Tsk tsk, kids these days…no attention spans…

Lori: yup ::nods her head in agreement::

The three jelled in union.

Lori: (imitating Lina) I hereby call this union meeting to order!

Grace:(imitating Zel) I move to jell together.

Lori: (imitating Lina) Second?

Grace: (imitating Gourry) huh?

Lori: <Lina> Say “second” Jellyfish for brains!

Grace: <Gourry> Second! ouch! Lina, not so hard!

Lori:<Lina> The movement for jelling together has passed….

Grace: Ladies and Gentlemen, the Jell riff!

- That is not Amelia.
- How can you tell that? Lina asked and walked over to Zel ho lifted
up the girl in to his arms.
- Well I read her mind and she told me some to. He said and smirched.
- What did you do to her? Zel jelled ones more.
- I put a sleeping spell on her. She was going to hurt herself.

Zel handed Amelia/Kim to Gourry and took his sword and charged at the
Mazuko. But the priest just vanished and popped up at another
location.
Then Amelia/Kim began to wake up.

Lori: They just don’t make sleeping spell like they used to.

Grace: Must be all that jelling…

- Where am I? And what happened?

Grace: Woah, I’m getting déjà vu of the beginning of the fic…

Lori: Damn you fates! Damn you all to hell!

Grace: Easy lori, it’s okay, we’ll show Bob! He can’t break us!

Lori: Right! We can do this, we can do this….

- Amelia what are you saying? Lina asked and just stared at her.
- Oh I forgot. How stupid of me. Um... you can put me down now Gourry.
- Are you all right now?
- Yes I think I can manage. What did Xellos tell you exactly?
- He said that you are not the real Amelia. Is it the truth? Zel
asked whit an angry expression on his face.
Amelia/Kim fell to her knees and burst in to tears.
- It's the truth.
Everybody looked at her as she sat there.

Lori: Ouch, she’s sitting on her knees again…

Grace: Man, that’s gotta hurt…

- I didn't men to take over her body. It just happened. I'm
rely
sorry Zel. I didn't men to fall in love whit you, I just did. I
still
feel the same fore you even if you don't love me.

Grace:<Whitman alert!>

Lori: I saw in Louisiana a live oak growing

Zel just stared in shook. He cod not believe what he was hearing. His
Amelia wasn't the one he thought she was. She was a stranger. He
began to back away and the he turned and ran away.

Lori: So let me get this straight. Zel is upset b/c the new and improved Amelia is someone he doesn’t know. Whereas before, he always ignored the REAL Amelia, even though he could have probably guessed her feelings. So all in all, Zel is a dumb ass for being upset about Kim’s being Amelia even though he never seemed to like the old Amelia…

- Zel pleas don't go! Kim jelled.
- Let him cool of a little Amel...hey what is your name?
- My name Is Kim Omhsford.
- Ok Kim where are you from?
- Can't Xellos tell you that? I don't want to.... I just want
Zel to
come back.
- Ok Kim take it easy. Xellos, can you tell me were she comes from?

Grace: (imitating Xellos) Sore wa himitsu desu…

Xellos explained what he knew and where he thought Amelia's mind
was.

Lori: Hey! Xellos never gives out info unless Xellas-sama lets him! And I though she was a fan! I am truly let down….

Gourry tried to comfort Kim, not exactly knowing what was going on
but did the best he cod.

Grace: …because he didn’t want to look like a bass in front of Lina.

Lori: Ba dum bump. That was good Grace, I’m so proud!

Later/Akikka

Alligator/Lori

Grace: NO! It’s the attack of the killer slashes!

Lori: I really hate those slasher movies….

Grace: You notice there wasn’t an end or authors notes or anything!

Lori: NO! It’s like that movie series! The Never ending Story. ::shakes her head in sorrow:: Kami-sama!

Grace: But look! The theater door is open! The story must be over!

Grace helps a dizzy Lori out of the theater.

“I’m so glad that the torture is over for now.” sighed Lori.

“But you’re forgetting that Bob, TAMLOD, is not a merciful soul.” replied Grace.

“He has a soul? Coulda fooled me” said Lori.

“JUST ABOUT ANYONE COULD FOOL YOU LORETTA! BWA HA HA HA HA!”

Grace and Lori sweatdropped, who did he think he was kidding? Leave the humor to the professionals…

“SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE FIC?”

“Eh, it was nothing we couldn’t handle, I guess your little endeavor didn’t work, oh great Bob” Lori said casually.

“You’d think for the All Mighty lord of Darkness, you could have dished out something better.” Grace snobbishly commented.

“WE’LL SEE MINIONS, WE’LL SEE…”

Lori and Grace sigh and go back to playing Cruisin’ USA.

“Hey, maybe we should get a new game. Losing to you is getting old.”

“Yeah, but, Lori, I suddenly have the urge to color and label some maps…”

~The Office of Bob, TAMLOD~

Bob: So, Natalie, do you think they figured it out yet?

Nat: I don’t know Bob, they’re pretty slow.

Bob: Hahaha! They’ll never guess that I, Bob, TAMLOD, am really Chris Smith, TOOG.

Nat: And that I, Natalie, am your faithful assistant. By the way, I slipped some of your patented “map potion” into their popcorn for kicks.

Bob: Well done. You made the right choice to be my servant instead of a MSTer. They will break yet…

E-mail me at earthianchinx@yahoo.com

I’d guess I’d be pretty hypocritical to not ask for flames. But if you feel you must, then I’ll respect your choice. But first, let me tell you the story of the Chinese Mafia...